Eulogy

I have had a request to make available the remarks I made at Cindy's funeral, and I thought that this blog site might be as appropriate a vehicle as any so I have posted them as follows:


Proverbs 31 says, “Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life….She girds herself with strength and strengthens her arms…..She extends her hand to the poor, Yes, she reaches out her hand to the needy…..Strength and honor are her clothing; she shall rejoice in time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness. She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: many daughters have done well, but you excel them all. Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.”

In my humble opinion these excerpts from Proverbs could certainly have been written about Cindy as they do so aptly apply to the life she lived.
I don’t have to tell any of you much about the life that she lived for most of you have been with us on that journey. Her strength and perseverance through her illness are widely known, as is the faith in Jesus that she clung to and demonstrated as she walked the path set before her.

Cindy was a care-giver in the truest sense of the word. She had such a heart for her family, her friends, her students, her fellow nursing instructors, her Sunday-school class, and her Bible study mates.

(At this point I quoted from one of the many cards we have received from her former nursing students). "Mrs. Gurley was the first person I ever spoke to from Sampson Community College. She returned a phone call to me at home in Fayetteville and took such patient time explaining the whole nursing program to me. I was amazed that the Director of Nursing would be so sweet and hands-on with students. During my years here, I loved seeing her on campus and visiting at your home. She and I shared a love for many of the same authors and enjoyed swapping books together. She will be greatly misste, but I'm so glad she's not in any more pain. My prayers remain with you! You are so blessed to have had Mrs. Gurley as a wife and mother. May Jesus comfort you as you mourn her passing, and give you peace as you know she is with her Savior. Thanks for sharing her beautiful life with us!" ALR

She loved to laugh, she loved to read, study, and research, she loved nurturing growing things, and she loved to sing the Lord’s praises.

She was my sweetheart, my confidant, my best friend, and she was the daughter my parents never had. She loved them just like a second set of mom and dad, and they loved her. Cindy and my mom loved to shop, and they made quite a team. When we would go to see them on the weekends and Dad and I would have some work to do on the farm, Cindy and Mom would disappear in the morning heading to the shopping center, and we might not see them until nearly nightfall. She was our family medical practitioner, and since we were married she has guided my mom and dad through doctor’s appointments, health-care decisions, and has been there for them in every time of need. I remember my Dad was severely depressed after the passing of his brother in 1983, and I was afraid we were going to lose him. But then one day in late 1983 Cindy let Pop know that he was going to be a grandfather, and he decided he would have to stick around and be witness to that.

And oh, Adam. How Cindy did love that boy, and he truly is the apple of his Momma’s eye. She threw herself into the role of motherhood, and was as fierce as a grizzly in the protection of her young cub. She is so proud of the young man that he has become, and the faith that he possesses, and she was pleased to know that Adam has found that special someone in Ashley.

One of Cindy’s favorite places to spend time was at Sunset Beach, and we have so many fond memories of family gatherings at Oyster Bay. For many years, it was an annual ritual for the Parnell clan to gather for some sun, fun, family time, and good food.

But in January, 2000 we were shocked to learn of her diagnosis of Stage IV leiomyosarcoma. Since then she has waged a fierce battle against a relentless foe. For the 9+ years since her initial diagnosis until her home-going last Friday, Cindy, Adam, and I, and the rest of our family have been lifted up by your thoughts, prayers, visits, cards, phone calls, and kindnesses of all descriptions. And we are grateful to you all.

I want to particularly thank those who persevered through the long, difficult, and care-giving hours just preceding her passing: our son, Adam, her mother, Grace, her sister, Anne, our dear friends Shirley and Jannet, and our hospice nurse, Kelly.

But while we grieve and will continue to be sad at her passing from our presence, Cindy would not want me to linger long today in the expression of sorrowful feelings, for she was all about living life, and sharing it with those she loved. What Cindy wants us to remember is what sustained her through the good days and the hard days, and that was and is her faith in our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I believe that her life stands as a testament to that faith. Her primary desire and focus in life was as Paul said to Timothy in Colossians, chapter 1 “that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins”.

As we remember Cindy today and in the days ahead, let’s remember the love and faith that sustained her, and may we find peace and solace from that very same source, so that we may continue to run the race set before us, and know that redemption that comes through the gift of faith in Jesus.

Home-going

Katherine Lucinda (Cindy) Parnell Gurley was freed from her earthly bonds at 7:25 a.m. on Friday, March 27, 2009.

First Day of Spring

Good Day Everyone,

I hope each of you have been enjoying this beautiful first day of Spring. As I have traveled this week I have noticed the trees and flowers budding and blooming...all signs of the new growing season, and the return of green and growing things. This is one of my favorite times of the year. I am hoping that Cindy is going to feel like getting out this weekend, and enjoying some of this nice weather.

We have had some ups and downs since I last posted on March 9. Cindy has finished her radiation treatment, and it does appear that the area in her back that was irradiated has decreased in size, but she has still been having quite a bit of pain that has not seemed to be diminished by the radiation. We are continuing to tweak her medication, and she has had some tough days (and nights) and some better days. Tuesday and Wednesday night of this week were particularly difficult. Pain was an issue, and she was restless and not sleeping well. We have an oxygen concentrator here at the house, and she continues to use the oxygen 100% of the time, but gets winded easily when she is moving around. She has not been out of the house for any extended period since she finished her radiation Friday, March13, and is spending most of her time upstairs. We do have some tanked oxygen, so when she feels like it we can go outside. We were planning to go to Charlotte over the weekend and get scans on Monday, but Cindy has decided that that may be too much right now, and we are postponing that trip. We may get scans here and send to the doctor in Charlotte. It seems that the best thing for Cindy now is getting plenty of rest, and keeping up with her meds. We do so love to have company, but at this point in time we are having to manage visitations somewhat so that Cindy can get the rest she needs. It takes some time to get her morning things done, and it is usually mid-morning before she has finished her meds. She typically takes a nap in the early afternoon. I know that there are many of you who would like to visit, and we would like to see you, but for right now it is probably a good idea to call before you come by.

Cindy's Mom has been here with us much of the last couple of weeks, and Cindy's sister has been here some also. Shirley continues to be such a blessing to us during the weekdays, assisting Cindy with anything she needs. Kelly, Cindy's hospice nurse, comes nearly every day and/or calls. Her visits have been particularly beneficial in monitoring Cindy's medication, and making suggestions in that regard, and in other comforting ways. Our friend, Jannet is filling in for Cindy and Rebecca in their Daniel bible study, and has helped us some here at the house. Rebecca has had knee surgery this week, and we are certainly wishing her well. Other neighbors and friends have provided foodstuffs including Pam, Jean, Christy, Carol and Frank, Janet S., Jannet K., Jeff, Ann S. and Betty Jo, Judye and Marleen, and Diane. Mrs. Fetterman has supplied beautiful camellia blossoms several times that we have placed all around the house, and Amy, Ann, Dr. Ed, and Anthony and Sheila have all provided us with some beautiful flowers. And the many cards, emails, and other well-wishes have served to remind us that we are in the thoughts and prayers of so many. And we thank each of you so much!

We continue to put one foot in front of the other, and are looking to our Lord and Saviour to be responsible for the results. Your prayers mean much to us, and we are truly grateful. "Now, this is what the Lord says....'Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are Mine.'" Isaiah 43:1. "My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth." Psalm 121:2. May each of you enjoy a wonderful weekend, and take time to marvel at the annual Spring rebirth of the Lord's creation.

Dan

Update

Good Day Everyone,

A lot has happened since I last posted, and for those with much interest I apologize for my tardiness in producing a new post. A number of you we have seen in person or talked to on the phone. We want to keep you updated, but we also want to keep others informed who we may talk with only occassionaly, or those who are receiving updates on Cindy from those we correspond with directly.

Cindy has been receiving radiation treatments on her back for the past 2 1/2 weeks in an attempt to alleviate the pain she is experiencing in this area, and she is scheduled to receive 4 more treatments this week. Up to the present time she reports little change in the amount of pain she is feeling. In fact, it seems that her pain has increased, and we have had some major changes in her pain medication. Through orders from her medical oncologist in Charlotte we have enlisted the aid of a local hospice group to assist with palliative needs, pain and medication monitoring, and other needs as they arise. Hospice has been involved for about a week and a half now. Our primary nurse is one of Cindy's former students, which of course pleases her immensely.

This past week, particularly Wednesday and Thursday nights Cindy had a lot of difficulty with the pain, and on Wednesday decisions were made to alter her medications beginning on Thursday. The transistion has not been an easy one, and we lost a lot of sleep, particularly those two nights. She apparently has some fluid build-up in her lungs, and has also been experiencing some shortness of breath. When the hospice nurse came on Friday morning, Cindy's blood oxygen levels were low, so they put her oxygen, and she is currently using that 100% of the time. She has a concentrator here at home, and portable tanks when she goes out. We have been getting more rest the last few nights, but when she wakes up after sleeping for a period of time without medication, it takes a while to get her med levels back up to the point she is comfortable.

Yesterday a week ago, Cindy had rested to the point she was able to get out, and go to Jeff and Sara's on Sunday afternoon where our Sunday School class had a pot-luck lunch, which was very tasty. It was really good to see everyone. Cindy's mom has been here with us for several days, and Cindy's brother came from Alpharetta, Ga yesterday as did her sister from Wilmington, NC. And of course our precious angel, Shirley has been with us on the weekdays, and any other time we need her. My friend and co-worker, Sylvia came on Saturday, and brought us a delicious lunch, and our friends from Wilmington, Roger and Jannet and their daughter, Sarah and her husband, Travis from Richmond, Va came yesterday. Jannet had also been here earlier in the week, and spent the night. She is planning to assist Cindy and Rebecca with their bible study, since Rebecca is to have knee surgery soon. Our friend, Leigh came by a couple of times this week, as did Pat. We also had the nicest note from Nikki in Iowa, who learned about Cindy through my friend and co-worker, Nelson and his sister, Adrianne. Nikki, we thank you for your very kind thoughts and words, and we appreciate your prayers. Kelly, we appreciate your help more than you know.

At this juncture, we do not know where this road will take us. Cindy requires more rest now than she has previously, and with the medication she is on now she typically requires some assistance making sure she is taking the proper amount at the proper time, and she is sleepy a good bit of the time. We thank you all for your support, and continue to solicit the prayers of all of our friends, relatives, co-workers, and those like Nikki, who are friends of friends. Our prayers continue to be for the relief of pain and that God continues His will and work for Cindy and our family. "Praise be to...the God of all comfort, ....who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." II Corinthians 1:3-4. Please do not hesitate to share this blog page with those you know who may be interested. Who knows what miracles may yet be brought about by a loving, forgiving, and all-powerful God. "The Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth." Psalm 145:18. May each of you have a blessed day!

Dan

Another Sunday

Good Day Everyone,

Although I have talked with a number of you over the past few weeks, I have not sent out an email update, nor have a made a post to the blog site in quite some time. The primary reason is that we did not have much news to tell.

As most of you know Cindy had two spinal surgeries this summer to debulk/remove tumor, which resulted in a lengthy recovery period during which she has had to regain her ability to walk, and is still taking significant steps to balance elimination function. She had scans in September, 2008 to establish a new baseline, and since then has undergone two four-week courses of oral chemotherapy. This past week she had a CT scan and an MRI. Unfortunately, the news is not what we have been hoping and praying for. Instead of stable or regressive disease, it appears that things are continuing to progress/evolve. The pelvic mass in her left pelvic sidewall remains relatively unchanged, however an intramuscular mass in the right front pelvic wall has grown. The tumor in her left breast has doubled in size, and the most prominent mass in her right upper lung lobe has also grown. She has some other smaller pulmonary nodules that we have known about for some time, but apparently no new ones. She also has some fluid in her lungs. One of the most serious new findings include a blood clot or combination blood clot/tumor within a vein (the azygos), which extends into the superior vena cava and right atrium of the heart. And there are numerous tumor areas within her right back musculature and subcutaneous metastatic lesions in the posterior right flank muscles. These areas in the right side of her back are currently causing the most symptoms, and she has nearly constant pain in this area. We are currently pursuing a palliative radiation treatment that will hopefully reduce the size of these tumors, and provide pain relief. We had an appointment with a local radiation oncologist this past Friday, and Cindy will be scanned and fitted this coming week for approximately 3 weeks of radiation therapy which will begin week after next here in Clinton. Cindy's bone marrow has proven particularly susceptible to some of the available chemos (the white blood cells & red blood cells become low & do not "bounce back" as needed for more chemo to be given), and her oncologist is of the opinion that most of those chemos would likely do more harm than good. So, currently it appears that we have exhausted the tools in his arsenal. We remain on the lookout for promising clinical trials, and research development.

The prayers, thoughts, well wishes, and kindnesses shown to us by many in our community including family, friends, fellow believers, co-workers, acquaintances, and in some cases friends of friends or even strangers have served to keep our spirits buoyed during a difficult time. We continue to solicit your prayers. We know that we serve a mighty God, and that while we do not understand most times when trials and tribulations intrude into our lives, Jesus himself told us that would happen: "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33. In our human shortsightedness we sometimes lose sight of the "peace" He provides, but we never want to lose sight of the fact that He has "overcome the world". Therefore, I ask that you continue to lift Cindy up in prayer, and if you feel inclined to share this email with others, feel free to do do. While we can be confident of Christ's victory over sin and death, and that through Him that victory extends to all believers, we do not know what short-term victories might be available to those who call upon His name. "Jesus looked at them and said, 'With man this is impossible, but not with God: all things are possible with God.' " Mark 10:27.

Dan

Cool Sunday

Good Morning Everyone! It is a rather crisp, cloudy, and cool January morning as Luci and I discovered when I took her out for a walk this a.m. My posts to the blog have taken something of a monthly twist it appears. Cindy has had a rather busy month, but she is having a celebration of sorts today. Today is the last day of the second round of oral chemo she has endured since her last surgery in August. These last two weeks have been difficult as she has experienced fatigue, weakness, and some nausea. With the exception of last Friday she has continued her physical therapy. Two weeks ago she had appointments with the oncologist, urologist, and her rehab doctor. The rehab doctor was very pleased with the progress she has made regarding her mobility, and she is getting around now for the most part with only a cane for support. She has apparently incurred some bodily changes with the surgeries, radiations, and chemos she has endured. Her elimination functions remain challenging, and it appears that she is developing some scoliosis, or spinal curvature. The chemo has slowed her activity level somewhat in these last two weeks, but hopefully she will be recovering her strength now that she will be off that medication. Cindy has an appointment on February 11 for CT and MRI scans to ascertain the current tumor status. The day before that she has an evaluation at the rehab hospital to determine if she is medically eligible to drive. She got a new car in July and has only driven it twice, so she would really like to be able to get behind the wheel again.
Needless to say, this has not been an easy time, but we are very aware that it could have proven even more difficult without the strength afforded us by our Maker, and the prayers, thoughts, and well wishes of many. We continue to trust in the One who has saved us, and seek His comfort, guidance, and peace. We also ask for your continued prayers as we go forward. Over the years Cindy has coined a term for that period fo time leading up to the appointment for scans and the revealing of tumor status. She calls it "scanxiety", a human condition that even as we are placing our trust in the Lord still allows for times of anxious thoughts and concern. Therefore, please join us as we pray for healing and the stilling of anxious thoughts. "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Phillipians 4:6 May this new year bring to each of us a renewed understanding of the love and power of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and the purpose for which each of us was made. Have a great day and a blessed week!